Beneath The Outer Shell

i went to a new doctor today. it was a magical experience. i'm not kidding.

i went to a doctor who specializes in holistic medicine, and she practices this because she has seen far to often the negative side effects of the toxins we put in our bodies, which are known as prescription pharmaceuticals. it's not that she won't prescribe those, as she will when appropriate, but she has other options rather than just, "well if that didn't work, then try this (heavily toxic) drug".

it's so funny...i mentioned this in an earlier blog, that i was going to pursue this approach, but if you remember way back to a specific myspace blog, i had a very different opinion. (damn, i cannot even find the blog now to reference because myspace doesn't have a search option and i cannot seem to just go back to a specific time and look at a large amount of blogs, but rather just a specific day. go figure.)

but my original opinion was basically that the holistic approach is kinda silly, and manufactured medicine was the best approach for ME...and i was a little harsh on the sweet close friends of mine (Rachel, and Cyn...God Bless you both) who thought that i should give it a try. i felt like i knew what was right for me and wasn't gonna sway from that...come hell or high water...(well, you know me, so that's not too surprising!)

so after 7 anti-depressant attempts in the 4 months it's been since i came home from Hell, i have realized that anti-depressants, while provide many people serious relief, suck for me and my body. i simply felt worse on every single one of them...it's amazing...i even thought that maybe i was on a hidden camera reality TV show where i was a test subject for the CIA because the medicine was SO bad for my mind and body, and just made me feel terrible. (no, i didn't honestly think that...but it was funny, yeah?) anyway,

so the doctor comes in today, and she had actually gone over my file BEFORE she entered the room, and was ready to get down to brass tax...whereas EVERY other doctor i've seen walks in while staring at my chart and asks, "what can i do for you today?". well, if you listened to the nurse who just went over all of that with me OR read my file, you would know, dr. dumbass!

today, the first question was, "do you have a history of depression in your life?". awesome. she got down to it, and there was clearly NO time limit...even though i was 30 minutes late getting seen, i was with her for about an hour and a half...and she did some, what i would call, strange things...she rubbed the bottom of my feet with a spoon, she sprayed some sage over my body and pushed away an invisible mess that must have been lying about an inch or 2 above my body...she had me resist her force as she pushed down my left arm, and i pushed up, while at the same time saying, "my name is sam", followed by, "my name is betty" and still resisting her force...she had me thumping beneath my collar bone with both hands, along with my lower rib cage, and above my sternum...she had me pulling up on each of my legs when i was sitting down while at the same time breathing in and out...she had me stick a finger in my bellybutton and one on my temple, lift up, and breath in and out...after all this i was supposed to feel more grounded, and quite honestly...i did! AND i didn't have any bruises from beating myself!

she was very confused on my "energy poles", and said they were completely opposite for what they should be...whatever that means. she had a very frustrated look on her face and said she had to do more research on my specific reactions...my mind, body, and soul must have been a holistic nightmare for her. it's about time someone who can actually help me feels the same way i do.

oh, i'm not done! she had me take a very detailed 5 page questionnaire, which included questions i had never been asked before about various medicines i have taken in my lifetime, and so on and so forth...PLUS i had a lot of lab work done too. it was a full on holistic doctors visit...i went home with a smile and a photo-copy of some energy exercises (the thumping and such). i'll be going back next week, after the test results are back. i honestly felt like she wanted nothing but to help me get better...and for most doctors, i, sadly enough, don't ever feel that way.

ya know, i thought this stuff was just hocus-pocus at one point...and i slammed it....hard!

hey, i'm not 100%, nor was i supposed to be after today's visit, but i can CLEARLY tell i should have done this a LONG time ago.

i saw my shrink today. this is the second one i've seen since i've been home from Africa (the first one was a REAL douche). i think i'm in love with her...not really, but kinda. she's the most honest and direct doctor i've spoken with (plus she doesn't have a wedding ring). anyway, after today's discussion over the fact that the latest (lexapro) of many anti-depressants have been nothing but harmful and making me feel MUCH worse, she said i had 2 options: 1) try another one, which would have been my 7th one in just 4 months, or, 2) try the holistic approach, like st. johns wort and valerian root with the advice from an M.D who specializes in holistic medicine. i chose the latter.

it's funny...when i got home from Africa, i knew i needed something strong because i haven't been this low, ever. i totally refused to even consider the natural/herbal approach many of my good friends had suggested. i don't know if these will work either, but i can't find anything on the internet suggesting any negative reactions or bad side effects. so, what the hell! i'll give it a shot!

back to my shrink though...she said if she were me, she would also choose the holistic approach at this point, which means i would no longer need her services. she had no reason to schedule a follow up and told me i knew where to find her if i needed her. WOW! i had only seen her twice so far and she honestly wanted nothing other than to actually help me. she also said that she intends to get involved and eventually change over to the holistic medicine world because she sees way too often the negative side effects of these highly toxic prescription psychiatric drugs. and it just so happened that she also had a photocopy of a business card in my file, and she honestly didn't remember how it got there. the photo copied business card? it was for an M.D in Atlanta who specializes in holistic medicine.

"funny how things all work out", i said...she agreed and sent me on my way. i wanted to kiss her, but i thought that might not be the best thing to do...plus my nose has already been broken once already.

so my point is, doctors have to make a living...and the doctors i've seen in my life always want you to come back for a "follow up" or a "check-up". hell...if they "fix" you completely, you have no reason to return, and they don't make any more money off you or your insurance company. i hate to say it, but the truth is that everything is a business in the US. the only reason people do anything is to to make money, because you need money to survive...now i believe in capitalism, and i do think it's the best form of government ever conceived (yet). however, greed can and will get a hold of anyone at anytime without notice as a result of living in a capitalistic society...but occasionally, you will find that one sparkling gem who literally just wants to help you get better.