Beneath The Outer Shell

i have had ENOUGH! 2 things mark the subject of my rant. 1) latest and greatest ads and pop ups on the Internet, and 2) the abundance of misspellings, poor grammar, and plain ignorant mistakes one will find on the Internet today.

first i'll talk about the ads we see today. they are so intrusive i feel sexually violated after being interrupted by the way they work. do ya like the new version of a pop up that is hidden from plain view when you first arrive at a website? i think it's called an "expandable ad". you get to the site and your reading and then the page starts to move and your almost lifted off your seat. a big expandable pile of dung stretches and covers what you are reading. at that point i'm a little perturbed and start frantically looking for the oh so small "x" to push to "close" the ad. by the time you find it and close it, you have to start all over. it's as if you have a dial up connection and just arrived at the screen. beautiful. also, there are the "fade in" ads that appear a good 60 seconds into your visit to that page. see, they wait for you to read the main article and then a sheer pop up fades in and blocks a main portion of your article. if you scroll down and try to ignore it...it comes with you like a lost little devil puppy. oh, so cute.

the other type of add that has REALLY bothered me for a while now is the "audio only" ad. i go to a lot of sites where you can watch full streaming movies and tv shows at the click of a button and every time this becomes a serious issue where i have to keep searching for that web page that is actually usable. basically it goes like this. click enter, arrive at site, look for the button to start the movie, and WHAM...there it is. an obnoxious voice with lasers and and explosions in the background doing a commercial for deodorant. every time this happens and after searching like a madman on the entire page for the source, i wait for the commercial to stop. 30-60 seconds later when the dramatic ridiculousness stops, another voice instantly starts talking. THIS is the one that gets to me...it's a complete full length SHOW (mainly about health, or some related unimportant issue). and i have to say, i have looked extensively and found that there is NO way to stop these audio ads. even Google doesn't help. if you refresh the page, it all happens again. can't hit mute on your computer because you're about to watch a movie/show. doesn't matter if you hit a button, move you mouse, or nothing at all...it will always happen regardless. this amazes me because this form of advertising completely makes that web page unusable for it's intended use. it serves no purpose other than to spam that initial commercial to that brand new first time (and last time) visitor. fantastic.

the other issue that has been rampant in my recent online excursions and adventures, is the amount of errors i see EVERYWHERE. this past week i have been searching for a new laptop and have been to SO many sites where there are reviews and articles written about laptops. it's roughly about 1 in 2 so called "consumer reviews" have some kind of grammar error, misspelling, or sometimes...a complete word or 2 missing. sure, we're not perfect. look at me! i can't even cApitaLize things aPPropriately...BUT these people are writing between 2 and 10 sentences. i don't know, but i would also think that computer geeks would actually be good at typing fast AND accurately. i wish i had kept a diary of all the screw ups i have seen in the past 7 days. oh, and YouTube? WOW. go to YouTube and read through just a few of the comments on any particular video. i PROMISE you there will be one you'll see within 30 seconds of reading. try it! i've just been thinking about how poor we have been treating the English language since the Internet, since Ebonics, since texting, and since Twitter. it's embarrassing. are the languages of other countries in the world under attack as much as English is? shoot, everyone complains that we all need to speak English in this country, but when you think about it English has been slowly ripped to shreds over the past 20 years. you watch...in the year 2025, the English language will resemble something like this:

for whatever reason or series of reasons brought me to where i am today, i thank Thee. for whatever reason brought me to watch the latest remake of The Karate Kid, i question Thee.

the movie is really good. it works, for the most part, and it's touching and meaningful. it's not quite as good as Macchio/Morita combo, but it comes ohh so close...and in a surprising way. the remake has 2 main characters, just like the original. the difference is that the 2 main characters are 1) The Karate Kid (or we should be saying The Kung Fu Kid) and 2) China.

i was so shocked when i saw how China was utilized to it's full potential. it was awesome! it was as if we got to take a field trip there! the busy streets, the luscious green foggy landscapes, the houses, the language, you name it. in The Karate Kid, we got a glimpse of it.

the second surprise for me regarding the film is the boring, unenthusiastic, non-personality ridden Mr. Miyagi character who goes by the name "Mr. Han" and is played by Jacki Chan. on paper i guess it does look good to have Jackie Chan play this role and i do know that Jackie Chan is not known for his acting ability. this was just plain wrong. the writers tried to have the characters similar, but Pat Morita nailed that role with the perfect amount of personality, discipline, and timed wit. Jackie Chan nailed down the training and fight sequences. unfortunately, if you know the story, most of the fight scenes are between Jaden Smith and the big bad bullies which means we only get incomprehensible fight sequences and continuous moments of "wait...what happened?" during the action. maybe the makers of The Karate kid were thinking if Jackie Chan was in the movie somewhere...all of the fight scenes would come together and look spectacular. good try.

but if you have a child around 7 or 8, i think this movie is perfect. Jaden Smith does pretty well as a young role model. i liked Ralph Macchio better, but the original was a very important movie for me, as it was for many kids.

however, i don't have any kids and i watched the 2010 version of The Karate Kid and i liked it. go figure.

during the movie i remembered back when i was in Hawaii. one day, i was on the bus going to work and facing me was an older Asian man and either his son or his grandson who was maybe 7 years old sitting on his lap. they were both quiet and minding their own business when the man stuck his bare finger in the child's ear and started scraping around and cleaning...sacrificing himself as a human q-tip. i was enthralled. i kept thinking to myself, "that's pretty gross", BUT that thought was overruled with one sweeping final thought on the entire situation. "THAT'S love".

ok, i've finally decided to go there. here. a post about a man i have tried for so long to appreciate on the same level as directors i consider my favorites. Aronofsky, Nolan, Tarantino, and even number one, Kubrick. i am now watching The Fisher King...for the first time. i'm not sure how i missed it, but after less than an hour, i'm thankful i made it this far in life without it. this movie marks the final crack in my brain and in my heart i will allow Mr. Gilliam to cause.

here's the problem...

i just don't get it. i don't understand why it's great to release films that don't feel like they were finished completely. it's not style. i believe it's a form of insanity even i have yet to achieve. Dr. Phil, Dr. Drew, and Oprah? you there?

my brother cracked for the final time on our last Gilliam event we did together. The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. we lasted about 45 minutes. i don't know. people liked the film. all i saw, and my brother, were monty python sets filled with elaborate costumes mixed with random long moments of obscure dialogue. this was Heath Ledger's last film, and his death messed things up a bit. i say he was a bit lucky to not have been forced to watch this one...in his absence they decided to employ Johnney Depp, Colin Farrell, and Jude Law to replace him. why three? well, Gilliam wanted to show three different aspec....ya know what? never mind. it's a complete mess, for me at least.

after that we thought about a GOOD movie which ironically is about an unraveling of a Terry Gilliam movie. the movie is a documentary called Lost in La Mancha. basically, it's a funny look at how this man could not make the movie he wanted to...at that time. everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong...and everything that no one could have imagined going wrong, went wrong too. it's also funny that they were filming so much of this...as if they KNEW a Terry Gilliam film was on thin ice and ready to implode at any moment. the documentary is quite revealing and explains a lot when you look at one of his films, and wonder...what??? the good news (for fans) is that Gilliam is trying again. look for The Man Who Killed Don Quixote sometime in the "future".

but my brother and i think that the man must be cursed. his films just don't really work right. i know this is all opinion, but good lord...i have only been able to finish one of his films. i did it only once too. 12 Monkeys. this is the only film i thought followed some sort of rational pattern of insanity with decent editing and continuity.

if you haven't seen one of his films...i'm not even going to recommend it.

which ones did he do you may ask?

Jabberwocky (1977)
Time Bandits (1981)
Brazil (1985)
The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (1988)
The Fisher King (1991)
12 Monkeys (1995) (inspired by Chris Marker's La Jetée).
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)
The Brothers Grimm (2005)
Tideland (2005)
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus (2009)

if i know most people (aside from 12 Monkeys, and possibly Brazil) the one that sticks out the most is Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

let me tell you something about Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. it's not as good as people say it is or remember it as. i still can't finish the film. i give up around the time the room is filling up with water. i know the film looks good, and it's a little funny...but here is why most people say they LOVE Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas:

1)it's got Johnney Depp in it.(women who like him have many many of his movies on their "favorite list")

2)the film is about Hunter S. Thompson. once certain kids get to college, or once they hang out with college kids, they have to eventually talk about how cool this guy is because of his life and the drugs...and, (because of this movie)...how cool THIS movie is.

3)the film has massive amounts psychedelic drug use along with cool hallucinations the viewer gets to experience too. not sure what it is about drugs, the counter culture, and whatever attracts even the straight laced kids to drug films, but it ALWAYS works...at least in my lifetime (1977+)

and there ya have it. people will talk about Fear and Loathing as if it's a masterpiece. i don't think it is. it's not terrible. but it's, just not good.

the movie Brazil? couldn't finish it, both times.

Tideland? nope...lasted under 30 minutes.

Time Bandits? well, i was a kid and always got sick of it being on HBO...because i couldn't finish it.

The Brothers Grimm? woah. not even close to a full hour.

and there ya have it. there are a few i haven't seen. guess what. DON'T NEED TO!

i'm not here to blast Terry Gilliam, and i know i haven't given a lot of critical analysis or explanation for my frustration. this was a venting post, once again. just be honest with yourself, or just trust me.

ohh, and as i finish this, i have made it about an hour into The Fisher King...and there is a guy with a mustache in a red dress dancing and singing on a table in a fancy restaurant. if i wanted loony tunes, i would change the channel. i think i will. better make this official:

The Fisher King? about an hour.

this post has been edited thanks to a comment from CD, who pointed out some corrections regarding specific time frames. just remember, i personally don't blame any single person for the oil disaster.


this has gotten just plain silly. finger pointing, name calling, ignorance ridden George Bush remarks in the year 2010. i'm tired of it, NOT because Obama is the biggest threat to US capitalism and our basic civilization, but simply because it's past the time frame of when it actually makes sense.

for example, Nancy Pelosi had the nerve to blame George Bush for the oil disaster. do i need to remind you that his term ended at end of 2008? do i need to remind you that Obama has had 18 months years to examine, focus, predict, and stop the oil disaster from ever happening? think about this. if this did happen while Bush was president, every single living organism on the planet would be blaming him. but now, in 2010, everyone wants to blame BP, or...thanks to Nancy Pelosi, George Bush. Obama gets off crystal clean free! he doesn't take any responsibility, plays golf for 5 hours, goes on vacation, and diddles around wondering what BP is gonna do. now on Twitter, all i see are people talking about boycotting BP and everything related. yeah! that's the spirit! you guys show em who's boss! that will fix em AND the problem! i'm part of something profound! i'm so lucky because God really loves me...and dammit...I really love me too.

Geeesuzz

if that's not enough...just today good ole, "i'm really in touch with reality and the everyday person", Paul McCartney says, "And in fact, after the last eight years, it's great to have a president who knows what a library is".

damn. i can't believe it. that man is SO right! geesh, i never thought about George Bush being stupid! in fact, i think McCartney is the first one to ever point that out to the world! give the man a Nobel Peace Prize for being so damn brilliant!

forget about the fact that "the last eight years" would actually span from 2002-2010...making Obama president for the last 18 months.

see what i mean? people are still recycling jokes from their closet a full 18 months after the expiration date. if you wanna make fun of Bush, go ahead...but your ignorance shows through when you express your hatred in such a silly, redundant, and unoriginal fashion. what do you expect though. Paul McCartney has been worthless and looking for fame ever since "They" broke up. i feel sorry for the rotten ham, and i feel sorry for those that still can't get over the fact that Bush isn't president and Barack Hussein Obama is.

i think i would have a hard time dealing with that too.

btw...you heard about Al Gore and his wife splitting up didn't you? yep...you got it...it was because of Global Warming...and THAT was because of George Bush.

first, a disclaimer. anyone who has known me well (ex girlfriends, close friends, family), or anyone who has lived with me in close quarters (fellow peace corps volunteers) know that I am not perfect. in fact, most people would say that there is "something wrong" with me. thank you. remember that while reading so i don't get death threats as usual.

with that being said, I'm perplexed with a certain type of person. i'm mainly talking about women who proudly say as a personality trait, "most of my friends are guys because I don't get along with women". or "women are just jealous of me, therefor i get along with men a lot more".

in my opinion, there is something deeply rooted with people who have an inability to bond with members of the same sex, or a seemingly inability to care. as a man, back in my 20's i use to only wanna hang around women because, well, i'm a man. but that was a choice and not a vendetta against men. since 30, i've finally been able to think a little more evenly between my mind and...well...you know.

sure i'm not a doctor, i'm not an expert, but i have spent a lot of time studying mental illnesses, seeing psychiatrists, observing people closely, and attempting to understand people around me and on tv (where most characters are misdiagnosed btw). and ya know, most of the time, i'm dead on accurate. in tv land and in reality i can spot a pathological liar, a compulsive liar, a sociopath, a psychopath, and correct and incorrect diagnosis's of bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and others. it's fascinating actually and not that hard if ya have your trusty wikipedia, an interest in psychology, and a drive to remember this stuff.

but the same sex only friends rule is an odd one. my personal professional opinion regarding these women is the abundance of some deeply rooted daddy issues. i have known six women like this well (dated five of them) who have polarized themselves into the small box i described. i've heard it countless other times from aquaintances. but the women i have gotten to know all seem to have somewhat disturbing issues with their dad, or a lack there of a dad (physically or emotionally).

the only real call to action i have is for you to seek out some answers from someone and find out why you really can't seem to get along with members of the same sex. i think the quality of your life can greatly be improved with friendship from those that know life from your perspective. cuz let me tell you...men sure as hell don't know what it's like to be a woman, so you're really selling yourself short.