Beneath The Outer Shell

happiness arrives in my life at times when i least expect it. happiness is never too early, and it's always too late if ya ask me...but it is there. lately, i've been going through some major changes in my perspective on friends, thought patterns, habits, love, and life in general. you, my dearest reader, are witnessing a transformation i haven't had the privilege of experiencing in years, possibly a decade, or maybe even ever.

i guess i'll start with yesterday...i woke up and i was happy. for people who don't know about the devastating effects of depression, waking up happy and not just waking up and getting out of bed is a BIG deal. i woke up ready to throw my weight around in love at anything that came at me. talk about seeing the light at the end of the tunnel...i WAS the light at the end of the tunnel. all day, i was kicking ass in life and taking names. no need for details of what i'm talking about but all i can say is...it's about time. i thank my dearest family members, my most loving friends, my faith in God AND his faith in me, and some NEW loving friends i never knew i even had the chance to know. i honestly love you all. i am finally feeling like i am back in a sense of knowing what i want to do with myself and my life. i'm talking about some major ground breaking stuff here for me.

then i was worried to go to bed last night because i didn't wanna wake up unhappy today. hey, i understand we ALL have our bad days...but depression, in case you don't know, isn't just a series of "bad days"..it's a lifestyle that invades your life like a damn parasite. what you think you can control, you can't...what you think you're grateful for...you're not...what you hate, you love to hate...and what you love, evades you like the plague.

but i did finally go to bed last night...around 5am, technically today. then, i was woken up by the usual landscapers i hear outside my window of my apartment complex...lawnmowers, weed eaters, and people screaming at each other in spanish. i woke up at at 8:40am...only after a few hours of sleep...i immediately felt like i was going to throw up. maybe i was pregnant i thought...or maybe i was just going to be depressed again today.

i grudgingly got out of bed...grabbed my cell phone and glass of water i had on my bedside table and started to walk to my living room to lie on my couch since i can't hear the outside madness as easily from there...i had my cell phone and the glass of water in the same hand...i was half asleep and hear a soft, "glump".

yep...i lifted the glass up and saw my cell phone sitting there at the bottom creating bubbles like a drowning victim from The Sopranos. i panicked, grabbed the phone, said every vulgar curse word i could possibly think of (George Carlin didn't know shit, especially about the use of vulgarity), and i started to shake the phone like my hand was on fire.

continuing to amaze myself with the words and phrases that were coming out my mouth...i took out the battery, went over to the air filter, and placed the 2 parts on it to start the drying process...and then i quickly turned to the computer and went to google and typed in, "what to do with wet cell phone"...i got a zillion options and i began to read them. all of them were roughly 10 steps..and all of them were the same.

check this out...on ALL of the sites i looked at, the first thing they all had in common was step number 1...

1) get it out of the water as soon as possible.

geesh, i'm sure glad they feel the need to put that there as an important step to take...seriously...because there was a part of me that initially thought about just letting my cell phone sit in the glass of water indefinitely...i mean, i don't have any fish, and it kinda looked like a really bad modern day art exhibit i could imagine people praising for it's "reflection on the madness of today's overtly technological world."

anyway, turns out i was doing the right things anyway. the funny thing is that this past Monday, i had just gotten a land line for the first time in...well...nearly a decade or so. so i was thinking it was a sign that i had subconsciously murdered my cell phone...plus, i do have all of the email address to everyone i love or a way to at least contact people from the phone list, so even if it did die in my arms like a family member dying in bad movie...i knew the world wouldn't end.

but the amazing thing is...i calmed down, and went back to sleep as my cell phone continued to dry. hours later, i woke up HAPPY. nothing else mattered...as i was just plain happy regardless...but i walked over to the phone resting on the air filter, plugged it up, turned it on...and low and behold, it worked.

:)

happiness is something that i am learning to control and create myself because that is the ONLY way it happens in reality...but this IS life and life does have the tendency to wear ya down to the bone.

happiness is also something we should never take for granted...nor the ability to rescue a cell phone dropped in a glass of water.

take it from me...miracles DO happen...you just gotta have a little faith.