Beneath The Outer Shell

i went to a new doctor today. it was a magical experience. i'm not kidding.

i went to a doctor who specializes in holistic medicine, and she practices this because she has seen far to often the negative side effects of the toxins we put in our bodies, which are known as prescription pharmaceuticals. it's not that she won't prescribe those, as she will when appropriate, but she has other options rather than just, "well if that didn't work, then try this (heavily toxic) drug".

it's so funny...i mentioned this in an earlier blog, that i was going to pursue this approach, but if you remember way back to a specific myspace blog, i had a very different opinion. (damn, i cannot even find the blog now to reference because myspace doesn't have a search option and i cannot seem to just go back to a specific time and look at a large amount of blogs, but rather just a specific day. go figure.)

but my original opinion was basically that the holistic approach is kinda silly, and manufactured medicine was the best approach for ME...and i was a little harsh on the sweet close friends of mine (Rachel, and Cyn...God Bless you both) who thought that i should give it a try. i felt like i knew what was right for me and wasn't gonna sway from that...come hell or high water...(well, you know me, so that's not too surprising!)

so after 7 anti-depressant attempts in the 4 months it's been since i came home from Hell, i have realized that anti-depressants, while provide many people serious relief, suck for me and my body. i simply felt worse on every single one of them...it's amazing...i even thought that maybe i was on a hidden camera reality TV show where i was a test subject for the CIA because the medicine was SO bad for my mind and body, and just made me feel terrible. (no, i didn't honestly think that...but it was funny, yeah?) anyway,

so the doctor comes in today, and she had actually gone over my file BEFORE she entered the room, and was ready to get down to brass tax...whereas EVERY other doctor i've seen walks in while staring at my chart and asks, "what can i do for you today?". well, if you listened to the nurse who just went over all of that with me OR read my file, you would know, dr. dumbass!

today, the first question was, "do you have a history of depression in your life?". awesome. she got down to it, and there was clearly NO time limit...even though i was 30 minutes late getting seen, i was with her for about an hour and a half...and she did some, what i would call, strange things...she rubbed the bottom of my feet with a spoon, she sprayed some sage over my body and pushed away an invisible mess that must have been lying about an inch or 2 above my body...she had me resist her force as she pushed down my left arm, and i pushed up, while at the same time saying, "my name is sam", followed by, "my name is betty" and still resisting her force...she had me thumping beneath my collar bone with both hands, along with my lower rib cage, and above my sternum...she had me pulling up on each of my legs when i was sitting down while at the same time breathing in and out...she had me stick a finger in my bellybutton and one on my temple, lift up, and breath in and out...after all this i was supposed to feel more grounded, and quite honestly...i did! AND i didn't have any bruises from beating myself!

she was very confused on my "energy poles", and said they were completely opposite for what they should be...whatever that means. she had a very frustrated look on her face and said she had to do more research on my specific reactions...my mind, body, and soul must have been a holistic nightmare for her. it's about time someone who can actually help me feels the same way i do.

oh, i'm not done! she had me take a very detailed 5 page questionnaire, which included questions i had never been asked before about various medicines i have taken in my lifetime, and so on and so forth...PLUS i had a lot of lab work done too. it was a full on holistic doctors visit...i went home with a smile and a photo-copy of some energy exercises (the thumping and such). i'll be going back next week, after the test results are back. i honestly felt like she wanted nothing but to help me get better...and for most doctors, i, sadly enough, don't ever feel that way.

ya know, i thought this stuff was just hocus-pocus at one point...and i slammed it....hard!

hey, i'm not 100%, nor was i supposed to be after today's visit, but i can CLEARLY tell i should have done this a LONG time ago.

well, i can only answer my own question with stating who i am NOT going to vote for, unless one of these candidates promises to lower gas prices by 200% somehow, and that ain't gonna happen anytime this lifetime..but if it does, BAM! my decision is made!

i will not vote for the clear republicans...Fred Thompson is really smart, and i like him, BUT he's too old and his wife looks like a exotic dancer which would NEVER work in the White House...and maybe i just like him because he was in Law and Order...Rudy Giuliani is okay, but he's kinda creepy and has too many mixed messages across the board, and he hides behind 9/11 too much...Ron Paul is silly, but he has a great idea and wants to get rid of the IRS completely, but he's really just Ross Perot in a bad disguise, and that's not good...Mitt Romney just feels like a Mormon minister who is on TV asking for money while looking up at God and sweating profusely, and that's not gonna work with me either....and finally, John McCain?...two words..."WAKE UP!"

i will not vote for the clear democrats either...Barack Obama had my attention for a long time, and then i listened to what he actually says, and it ain't much because he has no experience and uses VERY big generalizations without any detail...Hillary? well, Hillary is related to Bill, and Hillary wants BIG government and socialized medicine, which looks good on paper, but has yet to work without going bankrupt ANYWHERE in the world...side note: people cross the border ALL the time from Canada to get medical help HERE in America (please don't listen to Michael Moore, Sicko is only HALF the story...yes, i've seen it, as someone illegally downloaded it and put the entire movie on myspace not too long ago)...and John Edwards...good God, he hates lesbians and gays, and he just wants to recreate the Peace Corps and call it "Marshall Corps" to deal with similar issues, which in it of itself would be doing the same thing as the Peace Corps. ummm, you're name is John EDWARDS...NOT John KENNEDY.

so there ya have it! ohh wait..i never mentioned who i will be voting for.

well, i don't know..if that green party guy, Ralph Nader, would simply brush his hair and stop looking like he was just run over by a semi, then i might be interested.

there is a guy who is an independent, who was a republican but changed over lately...Mike Bloomberg, but he says he isn't gonna run for president and those independent tickets are such an unfortunate waste these days...maybe not for long (fingers crossed).

ya know, i never thought i would say this, but i really like Joe Lieberman..his own party ousted him for his views of the war in Iraq, and after he quit the democratic party, he still won as an independent in Connecticut! WOW! he still has my vote as of now, but like Bloomberg, he hasn't even announced he's running *sigh*

so where does that leave me? without a clue, but so far i know who i'm NOT supporting, so maybe that's a start.

well well...here is my favorite subject to blog about. sheer hypocrisy, in the term of our favorite individual, Rosie O'Donnell. anyone familiar with her views on guns and the war in Iraq know very well Rosie has spoken out against guns in general and everyone who owns them (yet she allows her bodyguard to carry a gun to protect her). hmmm, why is she allowed to have "protection" with guns, but others shouldn't be allowed that same privilege? i'm not sure..but we are talking about Rosie O'Donnell...so it comes easily to remember how not many things that come out of her mouth make since. she says war is not the answer, war is bad, and we should end this war ASAP, and bring home our troops.

and then she posts this picture of HER OWN CHILD today on her website. ohh, "it's just dress up", she claims..."art provokes", she exclaims to her critics on her blog. so, let me get this right...she is doing this because she sees it as art, and her point is that "art provokes". what is the reason? simple...it's for attention, at the cost of an innocent child. if Rosie was an advocate for the war and supported our troops, this picture wouldn't be interesting. she specifically chose to stir shit up because she has been out of the mainstream news over the past few days because she will NOT be the host of the Price is Right (thank you Lord in Heaven above).

people using their own kids as a political statement (or for the simple sake of provoking a reaction) is just plain sick. people love to hate Paris Hilton because she is addicted to attention. well, Rosie isn't ANY different. when she talks, it's all about her and her attempts to be funny...notice the word "attempts". to me, she's not. she's insane. she's not living in reality. and this picture is just plain wrong simply because of her political views.

my point here is similar to the same hypocrisy we see with the extreme left winged liberals who complain that we humans are solely responsible for something called Global Warming...yet they get into their gas guzzling SUV's everyday and drive around in circles, while still pushing for hybrids, less carbon monoxide, and more special interest groups to get involved in "saving our doomed planet" from the toxins in the air.

overall point...how about you live your life the same way your mouth leads you? and if ya can't...shut the hell up, and leave your kids OUT of it.

as a child, at the innocent age of 5, i remember seeing a movie that forever changed my life. Raiders of the Lost Ark. i was hooked after the initial sequence where Indiana Jones is running from a huge boulder while cradling a gold idol. my parents took my brother and i to that movie well over 5 times...and believe it or not, i remember it being sold out at the crappy theatre down the street every time...we had to wait in line for what seemed like an eternity...dealing with seconds which seemed like hours, and minutes which seemed like days...all just to watch a movie i had already seen enough to recite every Indiana Jones line in the film (no shit)...plus, as the anticipation for the film we were waiting on built stronger and stronger, we had to deal with the teenage jerks who would cut in line at the last minute and nab the last few seats for the next showing. man, this was when movies felt like real life to me...they felt like an extended amusement park ride, and i was immediately in love with escaping reality through films. being 5, i clearly remember not quite understanding how Han Solo and Indiana Jones could look so much alike, but be different people. i was SO confused! how can someone be two different people??? ahhh, yes...what i wouldn't do to be 5 again and still think that way :)

the picture above was taken by Stephen Spielberg last thursday at the beginning of production for the 4th Indiana Jones film (untitled at this point). it's hard to believe it's been 18 years since the 3rd Indiana Jones film...i mean it was the "Last Crusade", but Spielberg and Lucas should have known better. i guess better late than never.

just to put a few more things into perspective on the time frame...remember, it was Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1989) which is behind the reasoning of the current PG-13 rating (this rating was created right after Temple of Doom because when Mola Ram tore the hearts out of his victims before slowly dropping the awake bodies into a firey lava pit, parents freaked because the movie was rated PG...hence the beginning of PG-13).

back to the photo, i was stoked when i saw it because Harrison Ford doesn't look like a man who is 64 years old...even though the new film will not try and hide the fact that Indiana Jones is an old man, it's refreshing to know that he still looks like good old Indiana Jones. i was a little worried, and now that Sean Connery has said "no thanks" to reprising his role as Indiana's father, i'm still a little worried. BUT, it is Spielberg and Lucas working together again...and those two just don't get things wrong when they work as a team as they have for the first 3 films.

i think i'll go find my official Indiana Jones hat, 10 foot long leather whip, and shoulder strapped knapsack and play around in the nearest wooded area here...wait, on the other hand, i better not...if i saw me dressed like that playing in the woods around here, i would call the police and grab a shotgun. damn. kids have it made.

what i wouldn't do to be 5 again :)

Good God! even the "Final Destination" movies never got this creepy! a 13 year old girl had both of her feet severed completely off by a broken cable while riding the Superman Tower of Power ride at Six Flags in Kentucky.

i can't even read the damn story without freaking out! and the crazy thing is that the girl actually traded seats with someone right before the ride started! apparently, the maimed girl was calm when the malfunctioned ride came to an abrupt stop...other people who could see that her feet were missing were not nearly as calm.

here's the popular 2-lined phrase all over the news:

"The ride lifts passengers 177 feet straight up, then drops 154 feet, reaching a speed of 54 miles per hour. The ride has been shut down indefinitely while park officials investigate what caused the accident."

hmmm...you lift people 177 feet in the air and then drop them half the length of a football field at the posted speed limit of many highways...and someone gets hurt...shocker!

this was going to be a response to a comment i received from a friend of mine regarding my disregard towards Rosie and her "weight problem". the "weight problem" doesn't come into the picture until you start spouting an extreme left winged negative US agenda. once i hear that, then the boxing gloves come off. let me say though, that this blog is directed at people who believe the conspiracy theories about the United Sates govt and our involvement in 9/11.

okay, so the flood gates have been opened. this is clearly a political debate, in my opinion because i'm only going off on Rosie because of her extreme left winged political agenda...the fact that she is clearly a racist doesn't help my opinion either.

my opinions of the war have always been the same, but we're new to each other so i'll explain. first, it has nothing to do with believing Elisabeth Hasselbeck because she is "young, slim, and attractive". if you honestly think that i'm that guy, then don't come back.

you're obviously a left winged liberal if you actually like Rosie O'Donnell and agree with the things she has said about our govt. i'm not and i disagree with everything she has said. it wasn't "Bush's advisers" who "manufactured" evidence to go to war with Iraq. Elisabeth Hasselbeck understands this fact. liberals refuse to believe that the intelligence we had with Bush was the SAME intelligence we had with Clintion for 8 years. advisers didn't manufacture anything. Clinton even had the chance to nab Bin Laden in the 90's, but he said, "no thanks"...but i assume you don't even believe that Bin Laden was responsible for 9/11 if you agree with Rosie O'Donnell...Rosie thinks it was the United States who is responsible for the 9/11 and the war because she can't get it into her fat head that fire and airplane fuel can cause a building to collapse. i mean, she is an expert on science! Sean Penn, Charlie Sheen, Danny Glover, and countless other "has been's" share your opinion. the liberal media is winning, and that's why 70% think we need to pack up, and leave the middle east right way and never look back...even though if we did that, we would be chased back home and another 9/11 would happen in due time. do i need to remind people that we have a 100% volunteer military and ALWAYS will? the liberal media will tell you otherwise! i assume you wanna compare the US with Nazi Germany too, like Rosie and so many other hollywood jerks...even though we are the ones fighting people who cut the heads off of the innocent while they are still alive and videotape it for the media. yeah, Bush is the bad guy...he is just like Hitler. hate to tell ya, but Joe Lieberman is right on target when he says we may need to attack Iran next...Iran is REALLY scary. North Korea isn't far behind either. have ya even heard that Hezbollah, a BIG terrorist organization, wants to and intends on completely eliminating Israel from the map??? THIS is only a part of what we are fighting against! wanna just sit back and let it happen??? umm, sorry...but not me!

people who live in a paranoid state about the US govt really scare me. the middle east scares me and it should scare you more than GW Bush and the United States. we are NOT the enemy, but people like you refuse to see the world as anything but the US sticking their nose where it doesn't belong and causing trouble everywhere. once again, if you agree with Rosie, that is what you are saying and believing. i suggest you move out of the country if you hate it so much, but that won't help...you cannot avoid "today"...hell, i'm still waiting on the countless celebrities that promised to move out of the United States if GW Bush was elected.

maybe you should actually watch the terrorist videos where they behead our soldiers. THAT is what we are fighting...if you wanna withdraw and give up hope in defeating these animals in the world, then go ahead. they (the terrorists) would be doing these things even if we were not in Iraq, and eventually they would come back here to do the same...would it make you feel better if we just closed shop and ignored the butchering of people from other countries? ohh, i forgot, Bill Clinton did this in the 90's when thousands of people were being butchered in Rwanda...he did NOTHING. i repeat...NOTHING, except maybe cheat on his wife some more. hey, if you like the idea of the US being isolated and refusing to help the less fortunate, then that's okay...but i cannot stand back and allow terrorists to run the world. i don't believe in isolationism in the world we live in today. if we were isolated, the left winged liberal media would bitch that "we aren't dong anything". we are damned if we do and damned if we don't.

my point, is when you say things that blame the United States for 9/11 and blame the United States for everything that goes wrong in the world (as Rosie does), you are directly giving the enemy EXACTLY what they want...more fuel for the fire baby! when they know that the very people they HATE are actually turning against their own govt, then they know they are getting the upper hand. this ain't Vietnam...this is serious shit and i wonder when people will wake up...i assume when we have a nuclear bomb in the air heading towards us, that's only 17 minutes away from hitting New York, then you will understand...and by then, we'll all be dead. and no, it won't be 'our fault' as the liberal media wants you to believe. 9/11 happened and would have happened under ANY president. we have stopped countless terrorist attempts since then, but Rosie doesn't wanna talk about how many attacks we have stopped since 9/11. if the next president is softer than GW Bush on national security, we ALL have something to worry about BIG TIME. until then, i honestly feel safe living here. remember, the best presidents in history have been EXTREMELY unpopular at the time of their presidency...it's a fact.

for the record, here are just a few popular democrats who have been quoted about WMDs in Iraq, since this debate is clearly tied to political viewpoints. don't take these quotes lightly either, as these same liberal assholes blamed Bush at every corner and still do today, even though they "lied" JUST as much as people wanna blame Bush for:

"[W]e urge you, after consulting with Congress, and consistent with the U.S. Constitution and laws, to take necessary actions (including, if appropriate, air and missile strikes on suspect Iraqi sites) to respond effectively to the threat posed by Iraq's refusal to end its weapons of mass destruction programs."Letter to President Clinton.- (D) Senators Carl Levin, Tom Daschle, John Kerry, others, Oct. 9, 1998 http://www.cnn.com/2003/ALLPOLITICS/07/17/wh.critics/

"We know that he has stored secret supplies of biological and chemical weapons throughout his country."- Al Gore, Sept. 23, 2002 http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/politics/transcripts/gore_text092302.html

"We have known for many years that Saddam Hussein is seeking and developing weapons of mass destruction."- Sen. Ted Kennedy (D, MA), Sept. 27, 2002 http://kennedy.senate.gov/~kennedy/statements/02/10/2002A07621.html

"There is unmistakable evidence that Saddam Hussein is working aggressively to develop nuclear weapons and will likely have nuclear weapons within the next five years ... We also should remember we have always underestimated the progress Saddam has made in development of weapons of mass destruction."- Sen. Jay Rockefeller (D, WV), Oct 10, 2002 http://www.senate.gov/~rockefeller/news/2002/flrstmt0102002.html

"Without question, we need to disarm Saddam Hussein. He is a brutal, murderous dictator, leading an oppressive regime ... He presents a particularly grievous threat because he is so consistently prone to miscalculation ... And now he is miscalculating America's response to his continued deceit and his consistent grasp for weapons of mass destruction ... So the threat of Saddam Hussein with weapons of mass destruction is real..."- Sen. John F. Kerry (D, MA), Jan. 23. 2003 http://web.archive.org/web/20040204225854/www.johnkerry.com/pressroom/speeches

well well..look who wants to become the host of the most popular TV game show in history?

good God help us all if she actually becomes the next host. i, like many other people, will never watch The Price is Right again if this rotting behemoth takes over .

gee Rosie, maybe you should have kept your big fat mouth shut on 'The View' when you started spouting anti-American conspiracy theories everyday as if you were on your very own radio talk show. maybe if you did that, you would have a better chance of doing something worthwhile with your life, rather than eating, bitching, eating, and being an embarrassing big fat ugly cow of a lesbian...did i mention eating? hey, i don't mind lesbians...i don't mind big fat cows either...i DO mind Rosie O'Fatass because she is out of touch with reality, just plain dumb, and spouted her BS theories on a national TV show. if you didn't see it, Elisabeth Hasselbeck ate Rosie for breakfast everytime they argued.

funny, as much as i despise Donald Trump, i agree COMPLETELY with his thoughts on Rosie as well. not to mention, did you see and hear Rosie O'Douchebag spit out a series of negative, "ching chang chong" remarks when describing how people from China act? I'll post the video down below. afterwards, after people got outraged (and rightfully so), Rosie turns to the 2 Asians sitting in the crowd and asks, "were you offended by that?"...and the 2 giddy Asian women just looked at each other and started giggling and waved their heads back and forth...and since those 2 Asians in the audience didn't have the courage to stand up for what's right, Rosie uses that as a confidence booster and moves on to her next steaming pile of BS to encompass.

my viewpoints about this ignorant disgusting slob started back when she gave away the ending to "Fight Club" on her boring daytime TV show in 1999...she didn't like the movie so she decided to ruin the best movie in years for a lot of people RIGHT AFTER "Fight Club" hit theatres.

ohh yeah, i forgot, 'freedom of speech' is what every loony tune says when they get called out for being just plain retarded...and that's right. this is America, and we do have the right to say the dumbest things whenever we want to...we have the right to be retarded...but it seems like every extreme-minded hollywood jerk has forgotten that the freedom you'll find in America today is the direct result from our country fighting for what's right, even if it's not "popular" at the time. and just because you live in America, doesn't mean you won't come off sounding like a complete bumbling idiot, while at the same time supporting our enemy during a time of war, on national TV...hey, you have the right to do that! BUT you better be ready for the reactions and long term consequences on your career (like not getting a good job again) or simply jail time for treason.

back to what i said earlier, if you thought that Rosie O'JelloAss wasn't a complete racist as well, then watch this AWESOME rendition by one of my favorite political commentators, Michelle Malkin, about Rosie's "ching chang chong" remarks she made on "The View".

i saw my shrink today. this is the second one i've seen since i've been home from Africa (the first one was a REAL douche). i think i'm in love with her...not really, but kinda. she's the most honest and direct doctor i've spoken with (plus she doesn't have a wedding ring). anyway, after today's discussion over the fact that the latest (lexapro) of many anti-depressants have been nothing but harmful and making me feel MUCH worse, she said i had 2 options: 1) try another one, which would have been my 7th one in just 4 months, or, 2) try the holistic approach, like st. johns wort and valerian root with the advice from an M.D who specializes in holistic medicine. i chose the latter.

it's funny...when i got home from Africa, i knew i needed something strong because i haven't been this low, ever. i totally refused to even consider the natural/herbal approach many of my good friends had suggested. i don't know if these will work either, but i can't find anything on the internet suggesting any negative reactions or bad side effects. so, what the hell! i'll give it a shot!

back to my shrink though...she said if she were me, she would also choose the holistic approach at this point, which means i would no longer need her services. she had no reason to schedule a follow up and told me i knew where to find her if i needed her. WOW! i had only seen her twice so far and she honestly wanted nothing other than to actually help me. she also said that she intends to get involved and eventually change over to the holistic medicine world because she sees way too often the negative side effects of these highly toxic prescription psychiatric drugs. and it just so happened that she also had a photocopy of a business card in my file, and she honestly didn't remember how it got there. the photo copied business card? it was for an M.D in Atlanta who specializes in holistic medicine.

"funny how things all work out", i said...she agreed and sent me on my way. i wanted to kiss her, but i thought that might not be the best thing to do...plus my nose has already been broken once already.

so my point is, doctors have to make a living...and the doctors i've seen in my life always want you to come back for a "follow up" or a "check-up". hell...if they "fix" you completely, you have no reason to return, and they don't make any more money off you or your insurance company. i hate to say it, but the truth is that everything is a business in the US. the only reason people do anything is to to make money, because you need money to survive...now i believe in capitalism, and i do think it's the best form of government ever conceived (yet). however, greed can and will get a hold of anyone at anytime without notice as a result of living in a capitalistic society...but occasionally, you will find that one sparkling gem who literally just wants to help you get better.

okay, first i gotta thank one of my online "friends" (Andrea) who accidentally got my interested in making my own REAL blog. see, i had fallen victim to the world of myspace and i was only posting my thoughts there...but there is something about myspace that just doesn't feel right anymore. it's like the day you you aren't able to enjoy just going to the mall to do nothing except watch other people spend money...like the day you realize that your parents were actually bitching about something worth bitching about...like the day you cannot enjoy Sesame Street anymore without your not-so-funny inner commentary...i'm talking about real problems in real life. it's about time i had a wake up call. myspace has felt like a continuation of high school politics since i joined, but what can i say...i was addicted from the first time i signed on and my overall perspective of life was immediately blurred from the initial everlasting euphoria of instantly having "friends".

"hello...my name is sam and i'm an addict"